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The Odd Gummy

Dear Wholeyum Foods Manufacturing Company,

I’m a dedicated customer who loves buying your products. Heck, I’ve been eating them since I was a kid.

However I’m writing to you to complain about one of your products.

Yesterday at Buylots, I bought my six year old daughter a packet of your Wholeyum Pond Gummies. They were a treat of course, as much as I do love your products they unfortunately have very large amounts of processed sugar and/or sodium.

We took them home and opened them eagerly. My daughter, Lilly, pulled out a grape flavoured frog and chomped down. From my lucky pick, I got an orange flavoured eel.

We got through about a fourth of the small packet when Lilly pulled out something odd. It was a gummy, but it was like no gummy I had seen before.

It was a very ugly grey colour, as if you forgot to pump it with all those natural food colours you always go on about.

The gummy was also very strangely shaped. I thought it looked round but Lilly insisted it was a rectangle. Upon further inspection, we concluded it was somehow both. The gummy seemed to shift when Lilly moved it around. At one side of the table it would be round, at another side it would be square.

We could not make heads or tails as to what animal it was supposed to be! I was thinking perhaps it was an axolotyl but what sort of axolotyl changes shapes?

Despite my protests my little angel just had to eat it. The moment Lilly swallowed the gummy she screwed her little face up in disgust.

At first she complained that it had felt wrong. She said, and I quote – “Mummy, it has too many flavours! It hurt my head.” I believe she thought the flavour was too sour.

Now my poor baby is rocking in the corner of her bed, shouting her little lungs out. She keeps screaming about how the walls are moving. Oh, she also just said and once again I quote, “Mummy, my brain wants to explode! I hate the weird shapes! Please help me, I want to go back home!”

Obviously this product is making my poor little Lilly hallucinate! As soon as I finish this letter, I’m taking my darling child to the doctors!

I think you need to look into this and perhaps fire some careless employee of yours. I wonder if they dropped some of those awful drugs I always hear about into the vats of sugar they make your gummies into.

Something needs to be done swiftly to avoid anymore children suffering like my dear Lilly is! Oh, and I expect a full refund for my purchase AND for any medical expenses my Lilly needs.

Respectfully Yours,

Mrs. Tabitha Poole

P.S I just checked in on her and I’m horrified to mention that she has almost entirely disappeared. All that is left of my darling Lilly is a single slice of her. She looks like someone cut a paper thin piece of her from her head to her toe! I can see her blood pumping and a slither of her heart beating fast. I can even spy pieces of that horrid gummy slipping around in her open stomach. Wait, one piece of the gummy is sliding back up her trembling throat and into her exposed maw. Oh goodness, she just spat up the half chewn gummy onto her pillow. Her jaw is moving now. It’s strange. When she talks, it echoes across the entire room. She is saying something to me. These are the exact words she used:

“Mummy, I am everywhere. It’s so amazing. I want you to join me here.”

~~~

Important lesson here: Don’t eat four dimensional foods. They’ll mess you up real good.

The Haunting on Adelaide Street

Brianna knew she was being followed.

She quickened her pace, listening to her high heels click-clacking on the sidewalk. She was surrounded by gated mansions and villas, but none of them had any lights on.

Clutching her house keys in one hand and her leather bag in the other, she wished she could call a taxi to drive her home. If only her mobile hadn’t run out of batteries as soon as she had left her friend’s place.

Brianna wondered if perhaps she should just walk back to Kathie’s house. They both lived on the same street, but at opposite ends.  She was at the halfway point, so she could easily turn around and go back to her.

Besides, the thought of returning home to him made her stomach turn. He had tried to call her three times that night and she had ignored each one of them.

That uneasy feeling of being stalked crept up on her again and she turned her head around.

There was nobody behind her. All she could see were dim streetlamps and a single, lonely road. But that feeling never left her.

On second thought, she really just wanted to get home. It was late, surely he’d be fast asleep by now. Her grip tightening around her house keys, Brianna continued down the quiet, empty street.

That was when she heard the moan. It was like a long mournful sigh which echoed down the street.

Goosebumps dotted her skin and she walked even faster. Just a few more metres to go, she told her reassuringly.

She felt a warm puff of air brush against the back of her neck. It felt like someone was breathing on her.

Without a second to lose, Brianna began to run.

Houses rushed past her and she could see her own sharp, panicked breaths leaving her mouth. It was summer, yet it felt as though the temperature had dropped by about 15 degrees.

Brianna could hear someone right behind her. Their footsteps sounded like the erratic beating of a drum. How could one person make so much noise?

When she understood what was happening, it was as if someone had slipped a cube of ice down her back. There had to be more than one person chasing her.

Tearing down the street, she could see her house coming into view. That was when her foot caught on something and she tripped.

Brianna fell face first onto the cement. Shakily getting to her knees, she could feel a fresh bruise forming on her cheek. Her hands and legs had been scraped up too, making it all the more difficult to get to her feet.

The footsteps had stopped but loud bellowing sounded again. This time it was closer than before.

As she started to jog, she noticed one of her feet hit the pavement long before the other did. She glanced down and saw that one of her high heels had broken in the fall.

Cursing, she kicked her shoes off, grabbed them and sprinted to the front gate.

When she came to a stop just before the gate, she couldn’t hear anyone following her anymore. She whipped her head around to check. Nobody was there. No serial killer, no jealous ex-lovers, no Freddy Kruger. It was just her and Adelaide Street.

Letting out a relieved sigh, Brianna unlocked the security gate that surrounded her home. She scolded herself for letting her imagination get to her. She was a little tipsy, after all. Nonetheless, she wanted to get inside as soon as possible.

Brianna glanced up at the path leading up to her front door and froze.

Standing on the grass was a bulky creature Brianna had never seen before. It was roughly the size of a small car. Although it was half shrouded in shadows, she could see that it’s body was nothing more than a skeletal frame. The creature had a pale, strangely angular head and four cloven hoof which it was pawing the ground with.

She heard a low moan rumble from deep inside the creature as it stepped towards her.

Letting out a shrill cry, she fell backwards onto the path.

It lowered it’s head to her. Light from a nearby streetlamp shone off of the smooth, bleached surface.

Jesus Christ, that’s a skull.

The thing let out a softer moan and Brianna could sense something in it. Sadness? Guilt? Agony?

Brianna made eye contact with the skull’s ocular holes and she felt a great sense of grief overcome her. The young woman began to sob.

She thought about when she had visited the doctor only a few weeks ago. Brianna didn’t want to think about it, but it was as if her mind was being controlled by someone else.

The doctor had examined her thoroughly. She had felt uncomfortable and invaded. But she needed to know what was wrong. She needed to know why there was so much blood.

In the end, she had been given the results she had always secretly known.

I am sorry Brianna, you’ve had a miscarriage. 

That feeling of loss pulsed through her body like an electric shock.

It hadn’t been fair. She was sure she had done everything correctly, right down to the smallest detail. What sort of twisted universe or God or whatever allows this to happen?

“I just want to know if it was my fault.” Brianna murmured, holding her hand over her stomach.

Despite not having eyes, the creature seemed to gaze at her knowingly. Brianna wasn’t afraid of the being anymore. It was as if they were kindred spirits that were tied together by their pain.

Coming back to her senses, she felt the ghostly creature tugging at something on her arm. She turned her head and saw it was using its large, exposed teeth to tear at her bag.

Brianna dumped the bag in front of it . Using a cloven hoof, it held the bag’s handles in place as it tore as much of the leather off as it could.

Shrugging its massive shoulder, the small cloth fell before the creature. Brianna noticed that the cloth was made up of several different colours – red, blue, brown, white – and it seemed to all mesh together without a sign of stitching.

The being nudged the patchwork cloth open. The shape of it reminded Brianna of one of those cattleskin rugs in a leather shop, but it was so tiny – too small to come from a full sized bull. A small chunk was missing out of the right shoulderblade of the rug.

The creature placed the remains of Brianna’s bag on top of the hole. The leather stretched out so that it fitted into the hole, like a final piece of a puzzle.

The skeleton let out a low and gentle rumbling. To Brianna it sounded reassuring, like a mother comforting her child during a thunderstorm.

The ghost picked up the cloth in its mouth and, after giving Brianna one final glance, passed through the fence beside Brianna’s home.

Brianna sat on the pavement, her eyes watery. She reached into the remains of her bag and pulled out her dead phone.

She wondered if he had tried to call her again.

Stumbling to her feet, she ran to the front door and opened it.

He was just across the room, waiting for her. Brianna ran into his open arms, tears falling down her cheeks.

“Hi babe, I’m sorry I’m back so late. I’m okay, I am. Babe, I know what I said before, but you know what? I really want to try again. I want to have a baby with you.”

~~~

This started out as a simple ghost story about a cow trying to find pieces of itself but it became something more when I found out about the calf leather industry. I wonder if cows grieve for their young the same way we humans do?

 

The Problem with Child Super Villains

Night fell on the city of Blightsville in a soft hush. The usually bustling streets were now empty, save for torn newspaper tumbleweeds and sleek sewer rats, their beady eyes glinting in the pale lamp light.

No ordinary person dared to go outside after 9pm.  The occurrence of nightly violent assaults, sexual attacks and murders had skyrocketed over the past few months. The mayor’s office had concluded that since criminal activity in the city was at an all time high, businesses were to shut down before sunset. Nobody argued with him.

A young boy, barely a day past his 9th birthday, stood on a water tower and surveyed the scene below. He let out a wicked laugh and flung his black cape back, the jagged blue accents glimmering in the moonlight.

With his newly found powers, he knew that he owned this city now.  Without adult supervision at night, he was well aware that he could use his powers to really cause a mess.

He leaped from his vantage point, using his cape as a parachute to glide down gently. When his feet touched the ground he began running towards a small community garden.

Letting out a sly giggle, he reached his hands out and closed his eyes. He pictured a cool stream of water in his mind. His palms began to tingle and he could feel them beginning to perspire. Opening his eyes, he watched as jet streams shot out of his hands, soaking the daises and sunflowers. His heart racing with excitement, he ordered the water’s molecules to be still.

They obeyed him. In seconds, the water dripping from each flower’s petals solidified into icy stalactites. Each flower gained a sleek sheen as fractals of ice crept up their stalks.

He felt the scene was missing something. He sprayed a fine cool mist above the flowers until he had made a fairly heavy cloud. Then, using a steady stream of hot steam, he turned the cloud into soft, falling snow.

The young boy surveyed his wicked accomplishments. The once warm and inviting garden bed had become a winter paradise. Citizen would awaken and despair at their lost plant life.

He folded his arms and cackled to the heavens.

“HALT YOU VILE VILLAIN!”

The boy froze as he heard something heavy slam down behind him only metres away. The ground shook momentarily, as if an earthquake had just struck the sleepy city.

Steadying himself, the young villain turned to see a tower of muscles standing before him. He felt his heart leap. It couldn’t be, he thought to himself.

He was in the presence of famed superhero Hyper V. . This was the man who, using an instantaneous heat beam from his eyes, had stopped evil Dr. Brainstem from unleashing his mind control ray onto the Northern Hemisphere. This was legend who singlehandedly took on Emperor Borshek and saved the Virgo Supercluster from utter annihilation.

The kid was starstruck. His first night on the town and he was going to be sparring with the number one superhero in the galaxy.

The adult man glared at the small boy with a look of pure rage. It was unlike any emotion the boy had seen on the hero before. Usually the statues that stood around the city in his honour showed him with a heroic smile on his face as he stood upon a toppled foe. The same could be said for the posters that were plastered on every building in the city.

The hero spoke with a deep, rumbling voice that reminded the child of rolling thunder.

“HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE THIS PLACE OF BEAUTY. YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR TRESPASSES.”

The boy sneered as the giant man cracked his knuckles.

“Heh, I’d like to see you try Hyper PEE!”

He felt very proud of himself for his amazing comeback. He’d have to tell his friends about it later.

Closing his eyes, he prepared his next icy attack. As he conjured the water stream in his mind, he wondered what he’d do to inconvenience the big guy.

Maybe I’ll freeze his legs together with an icy blast! He’d topple over under his huge weight. No! I’ll send a shard of ice hurtling towards his head and give him the worst brain freeze he’s ever had!

So enthralled in his own thoughts, the boy didn’t hear the split second cracking sound that came in front of him. He felt the pain though. Oh boy, did he feel the pain.

Letting out a scream of agony, the boy snapped open his eyes. His hands, or what was left of them, dangled uselessly from his wrists.

He glanced up in horror and saw the beefy superhero was still standing in front of him, blood dripping from his green gloves. He opened his mouth and repeated his words from before in a loud, booming voice.

“YOU WILL BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR TRESPASSES.”

Sobbing in fear, the boy ran away from the garden and down a dirty alleyway. His head was getting dizzy from blood loss. As he dodged trash cans and piles of bones, he came to a wire fence that stood at least four storeys tall.

A small ‘no’ escaped his lips. He attempted to climb the fence but his hands had been rendered useless. He whipped around and saw Hyper V. slowly approaching him, a dark look in his small eyes.

Falling to his knees, the child let out a nervous giggle that echoed through the alleyway.

This is just a game! It has to be. Hyper V. is just testing me. He wants to see if I’m worthy of his rogue gallery! When he gets to me, he’s gonna use his god-like healing powers to fix my hands and he’ll scold me. The day will be saved by Hyper V. and I can go home to my parents. 

But the closer Hyper V. got, the harder it got for the boy to keep up his charade. The muscles on the hero’s body were rippling. His mouth stretched open in a mockery of a triumphant smile. A slick tongue licked over his row of perfectly white, perfectly straight teeth.

It finally dawned on the boy why his mother had forbidden him from going out at night.

He prayed to God, the real God, that Hyper V. was in the mood to use his heat beam.

 

~~~

I was just watching a kid’s show about superheroes and I noticed there were also child villains. That got me wondering – what would happen if a child villain was matched against a psychopathic superhero? The answer – it really wouldn’t be pretty.

 

 

 

Natural Beauty Meets the Industry Beast

She was the single most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes upon. No other woman before her could even come close in comparison.

A masterpiece of curves and long legs, it was as if she had been sculpted out of the finest of marble. She was a goddess; no, she was a muse. A tantalising temptress that would make any inspired Greek poet weak at the knees.

I could just picture her in a toga, gazing wistfully into the distance as Troy burned to the ground behind her.

That pose. Those hips. That twisted waist. Those high cheekbones. That perfect bone structure. Those cherry red lips that ever so slightly pouted at me.

She was the definition of natural beauty. Even a fool’s eye could tell that no part of her had ever been touched by a surgeon’s knife.

I was close to tears.

Then all at once, she turned her back to me. Even as she strutted away, my breath caught in my throat. Her perfect posture was only further accentuated by the way she held her head high.

Not only was she physically flawless, she completely owned it. This was a girl who had known her entire life that she was a walking monument to human perfection.

There was no doubt in my mind that she was going to be the one.

As she exited stage left, I put a star next to her name and a single line through the nobody who had dared come before her.

Next!

I lifted my head up.

Standing before me was the single most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes upon. No other woman before her could even come close in comparison.

~~~

So, I watched ‘The Neon Demon’ today. It inspired me to write this little piece. 

#EndoftheWorld

Scientists were baffled.

Somehow, without their knowledge, another planet had appeared from behind the sun. It was about the same size as the moon. Its trajectory was planned to cross Earth’s path at exactly the wrong time.

Conclusion – the Earth was going to be nothing more than a floating pile of rocks and debris in less than 48 hours.

The dumbfounded scientists decided to come clean. Every major news broadcaster in the world declared that it was officially the end. Newspapers showed images of what the Earth would become. Famous celebrities tweeted pictures of themselves crying over the news.

Humanity descended into pure chaos. Shops were looted. Figure heads were murdered. Stock markets crashed, after all, what’s the worth of money when it wasn’t going to exist in a day’s time?

There were riots on the streets. Buildings were burnt to ashes with people still inside them.

People started doing crazy things. Pilots sent their planes down in fields. Doctors stopped performing surgeries mid-way and ran off, never to be seen again. Midwives mercy killed babies in their cribs.

Some didn’t want to wait for the catastrophe to take their lives. Overnight, a quarter of the earth’s population committed suicide. Whole states and even some countries encouraged their people into government assisted mass genocide.

Soon, there was only five minutes to go until impact. The giant ball of rock in the sky was blazing down like God’s wrath.

Five minutes became three, then one. Thirty seconds left until total annihilation.

Everyone gazed upwards at their incoming doom. The last ones left held their loved ones. Some were crying. Others screamed in anger and despair. A few had even started laughing. Then there were those had found peace long ago and closed their eyes, waiting for the end.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Absolute silence.

All of a sudden, the gigantic ball of rock and fury was gone. In its place was a large head. Its skin was grey and its eyes were huge and black. Its proboscis was emitting a loud snorting sound, somewhat akin to laughter.

“OHHHHHHHHHHH! XAEQUAR DID YOU FILM THAT? PEOPLE OF EARTH, YOU JUST GOT PRANKED SUPER HARD!” screamed the being in a strange accent.

Those who were still alive on earth were very quiet and very still.

“YOU DUMBASSES, IT WAS A HOLOGRAM! LIKE AND FOLLOW ME ON ASTRATUBE FOR MORE EPIC LOL UNIVERSE PRANKS!”

Someone began to sob uncontrollably. The alien head scowled in annoyance.

“What? It was just a prank, bro. God, it’s a joke, not a probe – stop taking it so hard!”

~~~

After writing this, I have a bad feeling like it’s already been done before. So I apologise if I accidentally stole this story off anyone!

Holy Moly It’s Been a While

So! It’s been well over a year since my last post. A lot had happened since then.

  1. I am currently in Japan
  2. I have just finished writing a novel! I am now in the process of editing it.
  3. I have a ton more time to read and write!

So expect some more short stories coming your way!!